So this is something I wrote a while back, in March, but I felt the need to post it.

For as long as I can remember I have always enjoyed running. I’m not sure when the PASSION for running developed. It was probably shortly after finishing my freshman year of High School. Running keeps me sane and it gives me the strength I need when times get tough. There are times in my life where I have to run. Simple as that: I just have to run. It’s a combination of a lot of things. It’s that first fresh breathe of air filling your lungs on your first step into the run. It’s the pounding of your chest that you can feel through out your entire body during a good run. It’s the wind rushes into your face. It’s the way you create the wind on a calm day. The rhythm of the run [every runner has their own unique rhythm]. The way your feet make their permanent marks on every piece of this earth that they touch. How you know when you have an amazing run on a beautiful day. How running can help you solve a lot of your problems. How it just clears your mind and helps you think straight. How you can feel it in every muscle when you’ve had a hard run. It’s….running and that is why I love it. When I was a sophomore in High School I began to have some serious back and knee problems which hindered my running. The back problems are irreversible, unfixable, and permanent. These problems have lead to a constant ache in my knee and a constant tightness in my back. My runs still end with the joys but sometimes it is over ridden by the sharp pain in my knee. The knee problem can hopefully be fixed. I have been going to Sports Med Doctors since my sophomore year. My last doctor handed me over to the surgeon this year. He told me that I had to stop doing everything that irritates my knee, so running. I had to stop running. He also sent be back to Physical Therapy, he wants to give P. T. one last chance. After going to P. T. for two months he will determine whether it will help restore my knee to a working condition. If the P. T. doesn’t work then I he will give me a cortisone shot, and if that doesn’t work surgery. The reason why he is not jumping into surgery right away is that 95% do better without the surgery. So I haven’t ran since January 24, 48 days. This has been 48 days of insanity, the hardest 48 days of my life. At this point in my life, I need running the most. Right now, everything is leading to dead ends or branching of into worse problems. When I think things can’t get worse, somehow they do. I keep telling myself I can do it, because really I’m fortunate. Far more people face more adversity than me. But on the days when things are at its worst I feel that pull toward my Brook’s and I want to feel that real breath again, I can’t. I don’t even know when the light at the end of the tunnel will be back. I have no idea when they will let me run again. I hate this, so, so very much. I can never replace running ever. So I ran to day. Everything has been building up and building up and that pull towards the Brooks has gotten stronger and stronger. I just had to, the beautiful day topped the cake and I had to eat it. It was amazing, it was so fulfilling and I feel so much better. Even if it did end with the persistence stabbing in the knee and the burning of tears in my eyes, it was still amazing. I have realized that running is what I do. Running is my art, my passion, my love. I am a runner. I have been trying to find my niche in life and I believe I have found it. I run, I fit right in with everything that surrounds my run. I wish I could go to college and get a degree in running. I could be a professional runner. I do know why it’s not though. My running is so selfish; it doesn’t benefit anyone but me. My art doesn’t bring joy to any one’s life.